Dear Recognition,

We are raised in a society where recognition is always promised. Whether it be for getting straight A's in school, doing the "right thing at the right time," being an outstanding individual in some aspect of life, or so much more, we were raised to expect recognition when we do well. Recently I've realized how much of a disadvantage it is to be raised in a society where we learn to expect recognition. My university claims to build "citizen leaders," and I do believe that Longwood does a spectacular job at building these leaders, but recently I've noticed that some people (including myself from time to time) expect recognition 24/7. To me this isn't what a "citizen leader" is, we shouldn't expect recognition, we should be able to lead and serve our community without hoping to gain something out of it. We all have our signature lines at the end of our emails, we post statuses when we earn awards, we expect phone calls and texts when we achieve a large goal in life, but this shouldn't be what life is about.
Recently I have come to realize that life should be selfless. Our human nature is to be better than the next guy, and the recognition we receive is what feeds that want, but how do we overcome that? To truly enjoy life we don't need our family to tell us every single day that they are proud of every little step we take throughout the day, we don't need to get an entire day dedicated to us for simply getting up out of bed to go to class or work, we need to learn to be selfless, we need to learn to be proud of ourselves and accept that others aren't always going to see the good that we've done. Recognition is detrimental. In all honesty, I am realizing this because I think recently I've been expecting this recognition for everything that I do in my crazy, hectic, busy life, and I haven't received it. However, as I have realized this I have grown a lot, I've come to understand that life isn't always going to be full of happiness and butterflies. While I write this I realize how hypocritical I am, as I am a huge advocate of giving recognition, yet I believe that we shouldn't expect recognition. I always give individuals recognition when they deserve, but I find myself not receiving this recognition when I think that I deserve it.
I don't always get a pat on the back for getting an "A" on a test, a nice note for being a good friend, a friendly text for posting a new blog post, but I still seem to get decent grades, I'm still a good friend to those who mean the most to me, and I still post blogs on a regular basis. I challenge you my reader, to become an better person as I hope that everyone becomes a better person every day. But please don't only become better because you are expecting for people to come and pat you on the back for it. Be the best friend you can be without expecting your friends to be at your door praising you for your kindness. Be selfless. Be conscious of your decisions, and don't expect recognition, because you're not going to always get it. Part of life is being there for others, doing your best and succeeding, and life doesn't always come knocking with awards, pats on the back or gifts, but I promise you, you are thanked. You may not receive the recognition you want but I guarantee you that others are thanking you with out physically showing you. Dear recognition, I hope that one day our society doesn't expect to see you at our door everyday, I hope that you become a rarity. I hope for this because a selfless society will be a better one.

"It's not easy to find someone to see your best."

Dear Life,

It isn't uncommon for me to find myself at least three times a week looking back at old pictures and reminiscing on the experiences I've had. Just 10 minutes ago I was looking at pictures from 2010. These past few days I've been doing a lot of reminiscing, and it's got me to thinking, what has gotten me to where I am today? What are the events in my life that fully impacted who I am today? I think that recently I have realized that I don't yet know what my passion in life is. But I do however know that I want to help others. As I have thought recently about how I will be able to help others, I realized that I really need to step back and recognize what has helped me arrive to where I am in life. So I write this post "Dear Life," as I sit back and fully recognize why I am where I am in life and accept the life that I am living.
I'm sitting here racking my brain on the life events that led me to where I am right now and I'm drawing a blank. But by a blank I mean, I think of these events that don't seem like too many events, but I think  the amount of them holds the true fact that these are indeed the events that shaped my life. There aren't many events in the early years of my life, but I think that's for the better. I contemplated laying out my lifeline but I've realized as I try to write it out that no one but me and those individuals involved at those specific times will ever understand the impact that the events had on my life. This past weekend I started to tell some one my "life story" and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I realize that the life story that I told her, is not what I wanted to tell her. There is so much that has impacted my life and thinking about the things I said during that short period of time, those are not what I want to be known by, what I told her was probably about 10% of my life story and part of me wants to run back screaming to finish my story. I don't expect anyone but myself to fully understand where I am in life, and what led me here, but as I move forward in life I challenge myself to recognize these life changing events as they happen. I in turn, challenge you, whoever you may be reading this, to look back and realize what has gotten you to where you are today.
I leave you with one note on my life. The one note that seemed to be the most devastating and influential one of my life. I lost my father when I was three to cancer. My family changed that day. We lost the man who brought us together. We lost the man who would always be there for us. We lost the man who loved us unconditionally. We lost the man who vowed to be with his family through thick and thin. And 17 years later, I can say while we lost a man that day, we gained a guardian that day as well. Just about every event in my life was shaped around this day. I am in college now because of him, I fight for who I am because of him, and I sure as hell push through everyday of life because of him. Because I know that I may never know when life will be taken from me. Sometimes I worry that I too, like him, will have a life that will be cut short. I live everyday and every second of everyday with the intentions of doing good. I want to be able to look back on life and say that is me, I lived life for Kylie and the Kylie that I built through all my experiences is one that I am proud of. So Dear Life, I face you head on. I look back at everything you have given me thus far, and I look into the future to everything that is waiting for me and I am prepared. And mostly importantly, I recognize my purpose and how I got here. Dear Life, I accept you.

"Because someone we love is in heaven, there's a little bit of heaven in our home."

Dear Longwood and the people I've met here,

When I left for college in August of 2012 I never would have thought one school could bring me so much joy and so much anger at the same time. What a way to start a blog post right? I mean how can one place bring me so much joy and happiness yet still bring me a decent amount of anger from time to time? While it may seem like a negative aspect of being at Longwood, if it has brought me bad time, but in all honesty I am completely thankful for both the positive and negative I have experienced since being here. Longwood University is the definition of the perfect school for me. I have visited many other schools, and heard many stories about them, and the only thought that crosses my mind is wow, I would never picture myself anywhere else to obtain my degree. While yes I am here for an education, and I am thankful for the opportunity to come here for a degree in Criminal Justice, but in all honesty, I am thankful for Longwood in the mere aspect that it truly has brought me some of the closest friends I could have ever asked for.
To the one that suffered through living with me freshman year. While we may not text everyday and we may not see each other every waking minute like we did freshman year I am still forever thankful for our friendship. We have been through so much and what started out as two loser freshman, are now two SEAL loving, Florida traveling, Zeta sisters. Living with you was always an adventure to say the least and while we didn't last longer than a year together as roommates, I know that you'll always be there as a friend. I learned a lot about myself while living with you and that is something that I could never pay you back for.
To one individual who I have managed to be around since before even coming to Longwood. I have had you there for my journey through Longwood since day one. You are by far one of the individuals that I look up to most, and I strive to be as good of a leader as you one day. You are the one that challenged me to run for SEAL Chair last year, and while I didn't get this position, I learned a lot for just simply stepping outside of my comfort zone and running. You are one of the most hard working individuals that I know, and I honestly just want you to know how much you mean to me. You have been such an inspiration in my life and I thank you to no end for that.
To the individuals who some how suffered through living with me these past few years. Y'all have taught me so much about myself, and how to be a better person. I have learned that I truly can be myself around the people that I am close with, and I thank all of you for accepting me for who I am. Especially the one that is stuck sharing a side of the apartment with me this year. You have seen me through many ups and downs, and I wouldn't have made it through them all if it wasn't for you so thank you. Love you lots.
This next one is one that I never thought I would write. I met you freshman year during LSEM, and somehow you still talk to me now. I appreciate you, I have learned a lot from our communications these past two and a half years. You are a fantastic human, and even though I seemed to be a bitch to you a lot, and we don't talk as much as we used to, you really are one person that I am glad I met at Longwood. You probably will never read this and if you do you will have no idea that it is about you but thank you for all your kind words and your words of encouragement over the years because they really did help me get through everything. You really are a great human with one of the biggest hearts ever.
This isn't to just one individual, but instead a amazing group of individuals that seems to always put a smile on my face. While I haven't been naming names, this time I will. SEAL you have changed my life forever. You have brought me my best friend, you have brought me some of the brightest and happiest memories and you have inspired me to be a better person. Who knew that joining an organization would have brought so much joy and comfort into my life. SEAL, y'all are my rock you are the one reason that I get through every week here, because I get to see y'all and I realize what great things we are doing here at Longwood, individually and collectively as a whole organization.
This next one is one that I never would have thought would have such an impact on my life. We became really close at an extremely random time under weird circumstances. I always thought that you hated me. That I never would be friends with you, and man was I wrong. You have been one of the brightest friendships I have made at Longwood, and while I know I thank you often, I don't thank you enough. Thanks for always being there on my left, if you catch my drift. You are an incredibly inspiring human and never forget that. You have changed many peoples lives including my own, all in amazing ways so please don't ever forget how loved you are. Please understand how thankful I am for you because I don't think words can ever describe it. I love you lots.
Lastly, to an individual who I could never be more thankful for. This past year at Longwood has been an extremely hard one for me, and for you, but speaking for myself I know that I never would have gotten through it without you. You have brought me so much joy, and you have been there even after you have seen me at my worst. I will forever be grateful for everything you have done for me because in all honesty I never would have thought I'd have a friend like you, and I can never pay you back for what you have given me. We are two of the most awkward people I know which makes our friendship so much more perfect. You are my person and I thank you. While our friendship seemed to blossom out of nowhere (see what I did there cause you like flowers) I am so glad that it did. I have told you this a thousand times over but love you long time shit head.
This is just a very few of the people that have seemed to make an impact on my life during my 3 years at Longwood so far, and I could honestly write for days about everyone else, but I had to draw the line somewhere. For those of you who have actually read through to the end y'all deserve a special shout out as well. Thanks for truly taking the time to read my blog as I guarantee you that you too have impacted me while being at Longwood, so thank you too.
In true lancer spirit,
Kylie

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."

defining comfort

I can recall many times where the words "I find comfort in...." come out of my mouth preceding another series of words that seem to define where I find myself at ease. Being a full time college student, with a part time job, and being someone who tends to easily become over-involved I seem to find these ways where "I find comfort." See this seems simple to say, but today I was thinking to myself as I told someone that quotes seem to bring me comfort, what is this comfort that I was speaking of? I seem to use this phrase with ease. It isn't uncommon for me to explain who I am to people using comfort phrases. Especially during the semester where I seem to be in over my head constantly and this comfort seems to be the only place for my escape. 
A simple definition of comfort is "a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint." While this is a very encompassing definition I seem to find comfort to mean more to me. When I find comfort in situations, I am fully at ease from all my situations in life. That may seem hard to find, but somehow I manage to find those times and places where I experience this "comfort." I believe that when an individual is able to find a place of comfort, they are able to express who they really are. In today's society it can be difficult to truly express yourself for who you are. Attending a smaller sized university, I am lucky enough to be a part of a community that for the most part is very welcoming of people, however, I know this is not the case everywhere. If finding this place of comfort is one of the only places that an individual can be themselves, then what if you can't find comfort? Of course I say this all based on my personal experiences, and I recognize that life is different for everyone, but it truly makes my heart ache to think some people don't have the opportunity to reach this comfort that I have been able to obtain in times of need. 
I seem to have it easy, I have friends that bring me comfort when I need it, I have places I can go that bring me ease, I have little tasks that calm me down, and I have a family that is my comfort system when I've hit a low. But recently I've recognized that some people don't have these luxuries. For some people it's hard to find these places where they can escape realities, when they can be at complete ease in life, because sometimes reality will never leave. I see reality as one of those little creatures that sits on your shoulder and just hovers as you try to get through life. This is because no matter what you will always have to go back to reality, and some times that reality is the hardest thing to face. Life recently for me has thrown a bunch of curve balls my way, and I don't know if I could have gotten through these curve balls if I didn't have my ways to comfort that I have. I'm curious as to where others are able to find comfort, to find those places or things that seem to just bring complete ease into life and into their realities. 

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

Getting down to the basics

While I can't speak for everyone, I know that personally life seems to be one very complex and complicated situation that puts you through so many good times, and a few bad times as well. Being in college, you'd assume that I know where I want to go with life after I graduate in May of 2016. That however is the complete opposite of where I am in my journey. I came to Longwood with what I thought was going to be the perfect life plan ahead of me. I knew from the start that I was going to be a Criminal Justice major, and for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was going to become some form of a law enforcement officer. However, life has thrown quite a few curve balls my way since August 2012 when I began my college journey.
Everyday I go to my classes to learn as much as I can about sociology and criminal justice and I truly enjoy the classes, and learning about the subjects, but I've come to realize this is not what I'm meant to do when graduation comes around in just over a year. Something sparked in my life this year, where all I can picture myself doing is helping others. I have had so many amazing moments at Longwood this year, and I have had those moments that make the good ones feel like they mean nothing. I am fully convinced that these good and bad memories are what have lead me to this urge that says I am meant to help others, I am meant to be an positive influence on the community, and while I may not know exactly how just yet, I will find my way there some how. 
I've blogged in the past, but I've decided to start fresh because I recognize that I am a different person now, I recognize that I have a different purpose in life. My goals for this simple blog is to impact others as I somehow find my way through this crazy journey that we call life. I attended a leadership conference in November for an organization that I have the pleasure of being a part of, and I sat down with an individual and had a conversation about what we were taking away from that weekend. The one thing that I will always remember from that conversation is when we decided that we needed to learn to "be comfortable with the uncomfortable." This is something that I challenge myself to everyday and I too challenge you all to learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. This isn't so that you seem prepared for everything that seems to come your way, but so that you too will have the opportunity to love the life you are living just as much as I love the life that I was given to live. 

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."