Will you wake up tomorrow with everything you're thankful for?

It's that time of year again. That time where you're bombarded with the question "what are you thankful for?" While yes it may be quite annoying and redundant to answer the same question twenty times over, it is a perfect time to reflect on all that you have been given in life. The big and the small, all deserve thanking. I have a blog post sitting in my drafts section from about three months ago entitled "The Art of Saying Thank You." As I sit here and write this I regret not publishing that post when I wrote it because even though it wasn't Thanksgiving time, we all need to take time to be thankful for those people and moments in life that we often overlook on a daily basis.
I can personally say this year has given me so much to be thankful for. I thank God everyday for my friends and family that continue to sit by my side even as I'm frantically trying to figure out life. I'm thankful for my education, my dogs, my job, my roof over my head, my clothes on my back and so much more. I sit here and look at the quote "what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?" and I recognize that I would be without just about everything in my life except for my family and friends. While I do think I would be able to consider myself rich if that's all I had in life, how would I live without these other "things" in life? Why don't we take five minutes everyday to thank God for what we are given? As thanksgiving passed this year, I made a vow to myself to take a minimum of five minutes everyday to reflect on life and what I'm thankful for. So as I begin this journey I begin it with this blog post.
What am I thankful for today and everyday? I'm thankful for my mother who selflessly gives her all to her children. I'm thankful for my brother who somehow still puts up with me after I scream the words "five days" at him over and over again. I'm thankful for the thanksgiving dinner leftovers that fill my refrigerator. I'm thankful for getting through this 5 day break without anyone asking "so do you have a boyfriend?" I'm thankful for the new pair of Donald Duck Vans that my mother blessed me with yesterday. I'm thankful for FaceTime to have been able to see my sister in Colorado as she missed her first thanksgiving at home. I'm thankful for the Five as I don't know how I'd get through school without them. I'm thankful for my sisters and sealios. I'm thankful for my best friend. I'm thankful for my worst enemy. I'm thankful for my grandma and her warm heart for allowing me to go to London. I'm thankful for the kind words of others. I'm thankful for library tables and Uptown coffee. I'm thankful for the smile that changed my life. I'm thankful for my life.
Everything in your life is there for a reason. Even if it may seem bad at that moment, it's there for a reason because God knows that you need it. Your path is waiting for you to walk and be thankful for everything that you pass and encounter along the hike. As you know from previous posts, I strive for and off of challenges. I challenge myself to be thankful for five minutes everyday in self-reflection. How are you going to challenge yourself to recognize those things that you are thankful for on a daily basis? I hope you reflect on that, and discover a way to be thankful everyday. You deserve to wake up tomorrow with everything you had today.

do what makes YOU happy

Lately I've realized that much of my days are filled with trying to please others. Trying to do what makes them happy so they aren't mad at me, so I can move on with my day. This isn't how things should be though, we have to live with ourselves everyday. We spend the most time with ourselves, but we try to do what makes other people and society as a whole happy. Something in this equation just doesn't add up. Have you done inventory of what makes you happy lately? What are those little things that you may do during your daily routine that you don't recognize are making you happy? Or if you don't find yourself happy everyday, what are those things that you can do that will brighten your day?

It's hard to be happy. There are a lot of pressures that can bring you down, but every single person deserves to be happy. I personally have had a really tough semester, but lately I've truly realized what the little things are that bring me some spark of happiness during the day. While I may not be happy with my day, or the events occurring throughout my day I do find ways to bring happiness into my life, in hopes that I can help others be just as happy. As I walk to class everyday and I walk through the crisp leaves on the ground and hear the slight crunching noise I find happiness. As I continue on my journey down High Street going to class, I realize that I am happy looking at the sheer simplicity of Longwood's campus and the happiness on other people's faces. I look at my phone and see a text message from my mother, or any family member, and I am brought happiness knowing that they are there. I walk into the library and am greeted with open arms from those closest to me at Longwood, and I see and feel happiness. I sit here at 1:45 in the morning writing this blog and I am just as happy as I could ever be for how sleep deprived I am. 

I could go on for days. These are all such little tasks, but together they are monumental, and that is what happiness is about. It's about being more than content, being more than okay, it is about living the life you want to live every second of every day. Be happy. Cherish life and be happy. I challenge you to take those small tasks, recognize which ones make you happy, and acknowledge when they happen during your day. If you are able to sit back and see the happiness in your life, you will be able to move forward and help others achieve this happiness as well. 

3 days 3 years ago changed my life

NSLP 2015 showed me how 3 days, 3 years ago somehow managed to change my life. I learned today that it was okay to cry in the woods early Sunday morning. Because today I realized why I was truly crying, I realized I'm happy I walked into the woods where I probably wasn't supposed to be and just let go. For a total of approximately 12 days out of my life I was at NSLP. This was a series of four different trips to Triple C Camp in Charlottesville, Virginia that managed to change me for the better. I thought that when I was in the woods I was crying about that fact that I would never again step foot at NSLP, but that's not the case. NSLP taught me to be a leader. NSLP gave me my best friend, and indirectly gave me my favorite little blonde freshman. NSLP helped me find myself, find my passion, and more importantly allowed me to help others find themselves as well. NSLP 2015 reminded me to always have a heart and reminded me that even if you're in a 'competition' to cheer on your competitors because you really are proud of them too. As I stood in the woods wiping my tears away I thought I was wiping away tears of sadness. Tears that represented my weakness and inability to move on, but I wasn't. I was wiping away tears of joy, tears of confidence and most importantly tears of success. How I thought this crying was a bad thing I will never understand. NSLP holds one of the most special places in my heart. I am a better person because of NSLP. I strive because of NSLP. I am a success because of NSLP. Now one day out of NSLP 2015 I have realized that those tears are a representation of the power, laughter, success, joy, adventure, passion, happiness and pure love that is NSLP. Those tears prove that NSLP 2012 did it's job. That 3 years later I'm a better person with better people in my life because of it. I thank you NSLP, you have changed my life in so many ways. So if you my reader needs to, go cry, go to wherever your "woods" may be and cry, because it's so heartwarming to come to realize what something or someone truly means to you.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will."

Change is inevitable. I have already faced gross amounts of change since being at school. Change can either make or break you. Often times we let change grab a hold of us and we let it take over our lives. Most people I know see change as a bad thing, we are comfortable in our ways so why change what's already working perfectly? Recently, I've realized that change can be good. If we embrace change with open arms we will not only adapt to this change easier, we will also learn and grow from this. This whole "last year, best year" thing is really making me learn to deal with this concept of confronting change with open arms. Every day I walk around campus, sit in class, talk to friends, go to meetings, and I find something in my daily motions that has changed. Last Tuesday, I experienced an abundance of change during my first SEAL meeting of the semester, and every last second of that change terrified me. I was terrified but I was ready because while it meant the beginning of my end in SEAL, it also meant I'm soon moving on to bigger things in life. Everyday I realize how my physical proximity to my friends has changed as I moved into off campus housing. Around campus the senior class is now experiencing this weird thing where we are the oldest class on campus now.  I have faced changes in both my class load and work load this year. It also feels as if I have faced some sort of change in just about all aspects of my life these past two weeks. This weekend was a huge change for me as I stayed in Farmville as opposed to driving to Richmond like I did every weekend last year, and this was the hardest change I have faced yet. Life is changing all around me, and only I can keep it from bringing me down.
Senior year is a transition. It is when we begin to prepare ourselves for our lives after college. We are no longer the freshman trying to decide our major, we are the seniors trying to determine our life. (Which is rather terrifying for someone who has no clue where they are going.) We are no longer the ones getting lost on campus, we are the individuals preparing for something far bigger than Longwood's campus. So as I go into this year with an open heart and an open mind to all things coming my way, I too open my heart, arms, and mind to the change that is coming. While it may be terrifying, and in some cases heart breaking change, in the end it will be for the better. Ya know, I really am going to make this the best year I can because why not go out with a bang?

Last year, best year

This week marked the official beginning of my final year at Longwood University. My last first day of school, at least for the foreseeable future was on Monday. The beginning of what I'm hoping is my best year at the best university. It also brings a lot of change. This year is going to bring a lot of new adventures to my life. It is going to be a year full of "lasts" and a year full of "firsts." With that I invite you to join me on this journey. My intentions are to document my last year and the planning for my future through my blog, as I best express myself through the written word. This year is going to be full of many uncomfortable situations that I plan to find ways to become comfortable with. As you may or may not know from my previous blog post, I have begun planning my future outside of college. I can't wait to start planning my move out of Virginia for not long after I graduate and this year will bring many realizations about this move that I can't wait to face them with an open mind. This year brings many challenges, but the way that I look at it is that these challenges is rather as stepping stones for me. I can't wait to face this year head on. I believe that an individual has the most potential when they face their challenges with open arms and this is what I plan on doing during my fourth and final year at Longwood. Cheers to the end, but also cheers to what looks like the beginning of a great life outside of the realm of schooling, which seems to be all I've ever known for the past 16 years.

The end is near, and so is a beginning

"What are you going to do after you graduate this year?"
I haven't even began my senior year at Longwood yet and I am already finding myself answering this question what feels like three times a day or more. Honestly who knew I could have so many different answers to the same question? It seems that every time an answer leaves my mouth there is something different about it when compared the last time I answered. There however is one thing that never changes. That being this feeling I get in my heart when I think about graduating and moving on with my life after Longwood. I have never in my life been so set on one thing and that my friends is my decision to spend my summer at home next year, and then take a leap of faith and move away from home.
This past year has been a very difficult one for me, from questioning self worth, to struggling academically, to loosing one of the most important people in my life and let me tell you it has been suffocating. About three or so months ago the words "I'm moving out of Virginia" came out of my mouth for the very first time, and they were the most comforting five words I have ever said. This was the first time I felt okay with my future. Virginia suffocates me, in both good and bad ways. I am challenged to be a better person everyday yet I also don't feel like myself anymore. I am a Virginian. I will always belong in Virginia Beach. 757 will always mean something special to me, but what I look forward to the most in life in this moment is leaving the 757. Leaving and beginning my life somewhere else and finding my definition of life.
I look at the challenges that come with preparing for something such as picking up and beginning all over again and they terrify me. They terrify me in ways that make me want to curl up in a ball and cry, but they also terrify me in ways that motivate me to follow through with this. So next time you see me, ask me again, ask me what I will be doing after graduation. I'm not afraid to answer anymore. I've recognized what is best for me, and while it may end up being the worst decision of my life, I will never know that if I don't follow my heart at first. I have never been so ready to begin a school year as I am right now. I'm not wishing my life away, believe me, recently I have learned to cherish everyday I have but I am ready for this. I am ready to get this year started, to spend it with my closest friends and begin my life after graduation. It's taken a lot for me to fess up and say what I want to do after graduation, but in the end that's all that matters, what I want to do. I believe that this is what is next on my path, this is what warms my heart to think about.
So let me leave you with one question, what is next on your path? Have you discovered it yet? If not it's okay, it'll come to you one day when you're least expecting it. My answer did. Believe me that you will know it is your answer, it will touch your heart in a way that it will make your brain scream this is it, this is next, you can do it. I hope that if you have yet to discover it, that when you do you are as happy and content as I am. And hey, you should share it with me, I'd love to hear where you're off to.

"Oh the places you'll go."

Your life continues, even after we say goodbye

What does it mean to live? Does one simply have to be alive and breathing to live? Among the recent events that my family is enduring I'd say no. One can live even after they have passed. One can still be alive in the love, memories and experiences of those who surpass them in life. And I have come to realize that my Uncle has done just that. Early Monday morning my family had to say goodbye to one of the most loved members of the family after a long hard fight with cancer. These past few days haven't been easy for my family, but this week I have realized the impact that he had on people's lives, and the always contagious positive energy that he had and how honored I am to be able to call him my uncle. Brian Lewis is someone that if you met him, you will never forget, and that to me is what it means to live. He may be physically gone from our presence now, but he will forever be in our hearts. His memories will keep him alive, his laughter, his loving and caring personality, his strength, his perseverance, will all keep him alive. This right here says so much about a person, the impact they have on the world after they have left is just as remarkable as their presence when they are still here. I would be happy if I could be half the person that my uncle was, if when looking back on my life like we have been doing for my uncle these two days, my impact is half as amazing as his. One thing I have realized this week is that I don't have any extraordinary stories or memories to tell about my times with my uncle. At first I was stirred up about this, how can I not think about one absolute amazing memory with the uncle that meant so much to me? However, last night I realized that this is actually remarkable. When I think to the memories I remember the dinners we had together, the time he taught me all about his printer and how it could print amazing pictures, looking at pictures because he was always taking them, receiving random emails with picture attachments that I had no idea he even took, going to the All American Rejects concert and decorating the truck before we left, and so much more. These are the times that I hold near and dear to my heart, the ones that were just us living our daily lives but living them together. I think it is extraordinary that one can have such an impact with such ordinary memories. That is what makes it okay that I don't have one amazing memory, it is amazing that I can sit back and remember that time we were sitting on the couch at the Masseur's house on Christmas night just looking at pictures over and over again. Those ordinary memories hold an extraordinary weight in my heart.
So thank you Uncle Brian. Thank you for always being there. For always having a smile on your face. Thank you for taking countless pictures so that we could look at them. Thank you for sharing your Reese's cups with me. Thank you for the thumb wars. Thank you for always having Jason Mraz to play when I got in the Suburban. Thank you for being you, because if you weren't you, I know my life and the life of those who interacted with you wouldn't be the same. I pray that you are flying high now and that you are at peace. Watch over us all, especially Aunt Cheryl and Taviston because they deserve it. Believe me Uncle Brian "God knows you're worth it," so I know you're up there with Nanny and Dad showing them pictures of your family and your lovely golf course.

"It's been a long day without you, my friend. And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."

Goodbye third year, hello fourth

Junior year. Tomorrow marks my last day of classes of my third year of college. This year has been a roller coaster to say the least, but I have grown so much in this past year and I wouldn't trade anything about this year. I've been asked questions about where I am going to do my internship, what will I be doing after I graduate, why I am a criminal justice major, and so much more that involves my future. To be completely honest with you all, I absolutely hate those questions. Usually when I say the word hate I by no means actually truly mean hate, but I for sure do hate those questions. Why is the world so centered around the future. In certain aspects this is great, but why are so many others concerned about my future when I don't even have the answers to their questions. This has been one of my largest challenges this year. Facing my future head on. I am so ready to figure out what my future has in store for me, but I want to take it one step at a time. I do not want to work in criminal justice, I do not want to work in law enforcement like I always planned, but this is okay, I will discover what I am meant to do soon enough. I am taking it one step at a time, and as I am finishing my last step of junior year, I want to pause and take a moment to recognize all the amazing things that have occurred this year and those people that have been apart of this year.
*While it was one of the hardest realizations I've ever faced, this year I finally realized that criminal justice is not for me. Junior year, you would think I have it all planned out, but no. I couldn't be any more thankful for this realization to have come at this time. While I didn't go back and change my major, because I do love criminal justice and learning about the system, I am finally content with where I am and not knowing where I want to go after.
**I'm about to pull a gigantic Longwood card. Longwood is my home. I don't know how I only have one year left here because I can't ever imagine being anywhere else in life. This university has brought the most amazing people into my life, and has allowed me to face some of my biggest challenges head on, and I am forever grateful. I think just being at Longwood has made me a different person for the better, this is something that I could never repay this school for.
***My junior year has brought me the most comfort in the aspect of my friendships. I have never in my life felt that I belong where I am more than I have this year. In life I have never felt important in my "friendships" but this year, that has changed. I have encountered the most influential and amazing individuals this year. I truly am grateful to no end for all that they have done for me. I've finally realized that I can prove my past wrong, and that I can hold friendships. I've realized that my friends from the past that I no longer talk to were there for a reason at the time, but that the ones in my life right now are here for a reason, and for the long haul because this is the point in life where I know what my friendships mean to me. They mean the world.
****This year I have realized how much family means to me. I have always loved my family with all my heart but this year I have never been more thankful for the time that I have got to spend with them. After a hard week, they are my rock. No matter if it's trip to the 757, to Richmond for a few hours, to JMU or where ever they may be, it is truly a gift to be able to spend time with them.
*****I could go on for hours about how much this year has changed me, but I have to find a place to call it quits and I think this is the place to end it. This year I have finally accepted that I don't know where I am going, but I know that I am where I am and that I will get to where I am going because of those in my life. This year has answered so many questions but it has also left so many questions unanswered, which is okay. I'm ending this year on a happy note because I know that I have at least one year left here at Longwood with those who mean the world to me and that I am going to make the most of this summer so that I can make the most of next year. Life has thrown a few curve balls my way this year, but each and everyone of those curve balls had a purpose. Thank you Longwood for giving me yet another amazing year.

To my best friend

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A bunch about who means the most to me, and I think I have finally realized who holds the most weight in my heart at this point in time, and who has for quite some time. I have suffered though having him in my life since day one, like legit day one, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I traveled to visit my brother at James Madison University Thursday night until Friday afternoon to see him present his Senior Capstone Presentation and as I spent time with him it clicked in my head how much a minute with him clears all my worries because I remember that I will always have family. Thanks for being the brother any little sister could only wish for. Being less than a year apart we have spent a lot of our lives at the same phase of life, your finishing college this year, and I'm beginning the end of my college career. I turn 21 on August 11th and until the 17th we get to be twins and be 21 together. I have no doubt that you are on your way to doing big things, especially after seeing you so passionate about your presentation on Friday, and I too hope that I will be going on to big things after this last year at Longwood. You have been my best friend my entire life, when I have no one to go to, when I just need a good laugh, when I just need people to hang out with (I invite myself to hang out with your friends probably way too often), when I need to remember that family is where it all began, I look to you. While I still have no idea what lacritin is after Friday, I can say that I sure wish I did so I could understand what all that smart stuff that was coming out of your mouth meant. Thanks for always being my best friend. Thanks for being the one person that no matter what can make me laugh. Thanks for being my family. Thanks for being Codes when all I need is a pick me up from my brother. My family means the world to me, and I wouldn't trade every second that I can have with them for anything in the world. Sometimes when you're in a rough spot you need to sit back and realize what at that point in time means the most to you. While I have a crap ton that I am thankful for, at this moment, I am extremely thankful for Codes. While you had no choice, thanks for being my brother, and best friend.
To my reader, I ask you, who or what means the most to you? Have you told them lately? If not, go ahead tell them, they deserve to know.

What's your life lesson?

Today I had a reality check. A reality check that I am extremely thankful for. I sat and thought back to my trip to Jacksonville during spring break, and pondered on one experience in particular. On one of the later days in the week my group was sitting in the break room having a discussion with one of the staff members for the company we were working with. His name was Bill, and Bill asked the group, "what is the greatest life lesson that you have learned thus far?" While I'm not about to write about what I told him, I'm going to tell you what I realized today. We, as individuals, are blank canvases, we are able to paint our life day by day and how we choose to live our life will have an impact on us for the rest of our life. In the mornings, we can wake up and say "you know what, this is going to be a great day," or we can simply roll over and begin our days with an attitude. I'm not going to lie, I've had a lot of those roll over days recently, but I think I'm done letting them build up. I want my greatest life lesson (thus far) to mean something to me. I want to live by this lesson. As you may know from previous posts, or just by knowing me, I like challenges. I enjoy to challenge myself and others to tasks that will better themselves, that will require them to step outside of their comfort zone, and change for the better. I am challenging myself to wake up tomorrow and roll over and say "TODAY, is going to be a good day." As tomorrow comes to a close, I'm going to challenge myself to this again, I'm going to go to bed every night challenging myself to wake up and have a good day so that I will paint my life to be beautiful. I want you, my reader, to ask yourself what your greatest life lesson is thus far. Share it with someone you hold near and dear to you. And if you would like, share it with me, I would love love love to hear from you because I love life lessons, and I love learning from other. Take a minute to have a conversation about what you have learned, because you never know how it will change them. When you're finished there, challenge yourself, because if you don't learn to step outside of the norm, then you are just going to live each day over and over again, and in all honesty what fun is that? Love the shoes that you walk in everyday, and if you don't then change them. You have the ability to choose you life destinations, and please don't take that power lightly, because it's quite a large power.

"I think today represents not the first step towards changing the world, but rather the first reward from the many subsequent steps I have been taking all my life to get me here." 

Have a little patience and faith, reward will soon come

Job. Not job, Job as in the pious and prosperous Job from the bible. Job and I are pretty tight if I do say so myself. I was introduced to the story of Job in May of 2010 and man can I tell you ever since that day my life hasn't really been the same. That day in May I began a journey of what would soon bring me my best friends and life-long memories, as well as a new mind-set that I'd like sit back and reflect on. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the story of Job, and if you're not I encourage you to take a step and read up on Job, but until 2010 I was never really sure what I thought about reading and learning from the bible. I've never been one to go to church every Sunday, I went to VBS once, and my family never really talked about our faith in any aspect, so to be honest when I joined JDI in 2010 I didn't really take much from the story of Job. Recently I've really been reflecting on this story that we as an organization were founded on. I'm not going to sit here and rewrite the story of Job for you, but from what I have gathered over these almost 5 years I will enlighten you on how I have reached to the story of Job for reassurance recently. Basically in a simple sentence or two, here it is. Remain patient through all the trials and tribulations even if you don't see an end anytime soon. Continue to have constant faith in the Lord and know that He is there to guide us through it all, because while we may not see it at the time, He knows what to do. Lastly, you will see reward in the end. Through your reluctant patience and your continuous faith, you will reach reward. I've gotten really good at this patience part, I'm gradually getting better at faith as I am still discovering myself and fully understanding my faith, and I sure am waiting for the reward, which I know will come one day but it seems like the longest wait yet. That one day in May brought me a lot more than the story of Job, it brought me countless memories that I will forever be thankful for, a best friend that will always be there, and it enlightened me to my faith and an amazing outlook on life.

"And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren." Job 42:15

Being a Longwood student means more than just taking classes and getting a degree

This blog post couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I have this list in the back of my agenda of potential blog posts and as I looked at it in between classes today I decided I was going to write the post I labeled as the struggles of a college student, specifically a Longwood student. Now don't just stop reading there as you think this is going to be a post for the sole purpose of complaining about how hard college is and blah blah blah, because it's not, I promise. For those who don't know me, I am very involved, constantly running back and forth, and I am almost never in my apartment except to sleep. Between classes, work, and my many extra-curricular activities I am constantly going, which is how I like it. Lately I've been stressing a lot about the actually student aspect of being at Longwood, not the work and extra-curricular aspects, but the thought of somehow graduating in a year and a half has really been putting a ton of stress on me. I still have 33 credits to take in two semesters along with a 120 hour internship requirement that I have not fulfilled. Longwood puts a lot of emphasis on internships, which is one of the many things that drew me into Longwood when I was in high school. It is a great way to help get your feet in the door after graduation. Recently though I have thought otherwise about this internship requirement. I no longer want to work in the my field of study so why find an internship in that field? Academically this is my current struggle as a LU student but there is also a lot more that I've been dealing with that today seemed to all find it's worth in my life at Longwood.
Longwood is a relatively small school, many students are actively involved on campus in one or more organizations around the community. Myself, I am actively involved in three organizations, have a part time job at a residence hall, and recently went inactive from my fourth organization. I do believe that our campus involvement is one thing that makes Longwood unique. Longwood works to build "citizen leaders" and I truly believe that our university does a fantastic job at this. Two of the organizations I am involved in work towards leadership and bettering the community. I put my all into every organization that I join, I run for leadership or officer positions, I attend all the events I can, and put in all the time that I am able to give, and I do all this not expecting anything in return except for self-growth on a personal level. I don't walk around Longwood expecting people to know my name because I am involved, I walk around Longwood hoping that somehow I will be able to make a difference in the community. While I talked earlier about the "struggles of a Longwood student" this to me isn't a struggle, working for others, this is a blessing. This is the blessing of being a Longwood student.
Longwood has two secret societies, one of which being CHI. CHI represents Longwood spirit, and they are represented by their motto "service to the whole without seeking honor for thyself." CHI is Longwood, and it is a constant topic around campus. Today when I opened my mailbox I saw a letter and as I looked down the return address read "CHI, Longwood University." I immediately thought this has got to be a mistake. I would never get a letter from CHI. It wasn't a mistake though, it was letter addressed to me recognizing me for my service and work here at Longwood. My life as a Longwood student is complete. I never would have expected to get a letter of such sorts but as I read it I was extremely thankful. This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was in a horrible mood, I was mentally and physically drained, but this letter gave me the energy to continue to do what I do best, and that is keep going. As I stated I never expect to be thanked for my work, I don't do it for the recognition (as I wrote in an earlier post), I do it to help others and to grow as an individual, but receiving a letter from CHI was quite possibly the greatest feeling as a Longwood student. Thank you CHI. Thank you for recognizing those who deserve it, for being there to watch over Longwood and recognize those who don't get recognized, and be a constant representation of the spirit of Longwood. Thank you for my letter because it could not have come at a better time. While my work at Longwood is not done quite yet, I finally know that my work at Longwood is worth it, and in ways for more than just personal growth.

Be yourself, and who you are meant to be

I've had many conversations recently with people about how to accept yourself for who you are. I have been the one to tell people when they are down and lonely that yes we are all different and we all have our problems, but no matter what we need to be ourselves. I have also been the one on the other side of the conversation that needs encouragement as well. I believe that college is a place to find yourself, figure out who you want to be, where you want to go, and what you want to be known for after you graduate. While that may not seem like much, that is quite a lot to figure out during the short four years you have, but some how most of us are able to figure it all out eventually. For me I have gone two and a half years not knowing the answers, but just recently I think that I've discovered some of those answers I've been looking for. However, these answers didn't come without a few bumps in the road.
Both last semester and this semester have seemed to just be constant struggles. I've had my questions about my choices since coming to Longwood, questions about where I want to go after, and most importantly I've struggled with acceptance. I don't tend to open up to people during the low points in life. I often time sugar coat the low points with the high points naturally as most would do. Why tell people about the bad when you can tell them about all the amazing things happening in life? I do though find that the low points are really what help define us as individuals, and sometimes talking about them and reflecting on them are really what help us grow and discover the answers to the questions we ask ourselves. Those points in life are what define you for who you really are.
After having a conversation with one of my close friends a few days back I realized that I don't need to keep this from my friends anymore. This conversation was centered around her, but in reality, it probably helped me more that it helped her. If these people are really my friends then they will stick around, they will be there for me when I need them, and they will for some odd reason accept me for who I am. I'm awkward, I'm weird, I'm emotional, I'm loud, I'm a talker but enjoy silence, I'm Kylie. I've learned to accept myself, and I've learned to let others accept me for who I am. If I can't be myself around my friends, then guess what, they aren't friends. They would just be people that are taking up space in my life. They don't deserve to be in my life. That may sound aggressive, but it's the harsh reality of it all.
Society is harsh. Much of the time people are pressured into being people they aren't just so they can "fit in." I'd say that elementary and middle school has probably changed quite at bit since I was there, but I can speak from experience that all I ever wanted to do was find ways to fit in with the people that I perceived as the "cool kids." Why though? Why change who you are to fit in with the people you think are cool? While this is how I felt in elementary and middle school, I can say that college, while vastly different, has it's similarities. I've leaned much about acceptance since coming to Longwood and I really hope that others have leaned what I have leaned. Longwood has given me the opportunity to truly be myself and find the friends that let me be myself. Don't ever let today's society change you because you don't think you're allowed to be who you want to be. There will always be people who look at you differently because you're not like them, but ignore them. Find the people that look up to you for being yourself. Find the people that accept you for you and the people that will bring happiness into your life.
With that being said a quick shout out to the ones that actually stick it out through it all. To the ones who accept me for my awkwardness and my pointless late night talks, thank you. Many times people don't realize what they are thankful for, but recently I've done a lot of thinking about what I am thankful for and my friends are by far towards the top of my list. So to you my reader, be yourself. No matter what your age may be, what your social or professional status may be, be yourself. There is no more happiness to be found than the happiness you will get from being yourself, and what will come from that happiness.

a SEAL isn't just an animal in my eyes

I've come to realize that a simple four letter acronym can mean so much more than the words it represents. S.E.A.L. is much more than Student Educators for Active Leadership. S.E.A.L. is a family, a group of now 26 members who are there for each other. A group of members who stand up for what they believe in. A group of members who work together for a common cause. A group of members who recognize that yes we are all different, but we indeed accept each other for who we are and by no means treat anyone otherwise. I've come to finally see how much this group of individuals means to me.
Last night we welcomed nine new members into our family and this being my second initiation as a S.E.A.L. it really reassured how much I love this organization. Not only has it brought me life long friends and taught me countless lessons, it has helped me realize who I am. S.E.A.L., while we may tell everyone that we are a leadership organization on campus, we are more than leadership. We work towards selfless service, towards a bully free campus, towards building leaders out of those who don't believe they can lead, and towards so much more. We are an ever changing organization, we do not have one set type of person that we accept and we do not have one set sole purpose.
As we welcomed in nine new members yesterday, it warmed my heart to know that we are able to continue to reach across all demographics around campus, and to know that we will remain a loving organization who accepts each other for who we truly are. What is S.E.A.L. to me? It is my home. I mean what can I say, Tuesday is the best day of my week. I walk by the Amelia room and all the S.E.A.L. memories just flood my head. They say you find yourself when you're in college, and S.E.A.L. let me find myself and be myself. They let me figure out what type of leader I am, they let me be my awkward self, they accept me for my weirdness, and most importantly I accept them as well.
With that being said, thank you S.E.A.L. I thank you for always being there, for teaching me so much, for being my shoulder when I need one to lean on. S.E.A.L. has given me so much, including my best friends, and I could never pay this organization back for all it has done for me.

"I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone that points them out to me."

I challenge you to...

One of my all time favorite songs is "Bleed Red" by Ronnie Dunn, and the lyrics have really resonated with me these past few days as I traveled back from Jacksonville and spent my first day back in the 434. The basics of the song are that we in reality are generally the same. We are all humans, and we indeed all bleed red when it comes down to it. As I spent my week in Jacksonville I learned much more about refugees and the process than I ever thought I'd get to know. Refugees are very different from both legal and illegal immigrants, however many people don't recognize this distinction. 

Much of the American population just clumps all foreign populations into one category and slap them with a stereotype and call it a day. After my week in Florida, this breaks my heart. I worked with refugees both young and old and even heard some of their stories and they by no means deserve to be treated as something other than human. While they may have a different skin tone, speak a different language, dress differently, and may not know their way around American traditions, they still earned their entrance into this country. In order for an individual to be considered a refugee they must flee their country due to political or religious persecution where they fear for their lives. The process of being declared a refugee isn't an easy or quick process, and heck they may not ever get placed into another country, but when they do they face the many difficulties of being dropped into a country they likely know nothing about. 
Hearing an example from an immigrant herself and as I stated above, in today's society in America it isn't uncommon for people to just throw a label on non-English speaking foreigners. I am fan of challenges. When I reflect on experiences, both large and small scale events, I challenge myself to learn from them by creating these opportunities to grow. After my week in Florida working with these populations that I've never before had the chance to interact with, I challenged myself to an abundance of different things. In relation to my favorite song, I have challenged myself to rid my mind of stereotypes. This is very broad, and probably very difficult as we are raised learning stereotypes, but it touched my heart this past week to hear Hind's story of her one experience in a grocery story where a complete stranger treated her like she was trash because she wasn't American. The society that we live in today is very un-accepting. American's in my eyes tend to be very selfish and I want this to change. There is no reason for anyone to clump another person into this bubble of hatred just because of their nationality. Obviously there will always be individuals here that shouldn't be, but unless you individually go around and ask everyone for their story and their paperwork than you will never know who is who. 
To bring this to a conclusion, because I know that I could continue to talk in circles about this forever, I challenge you, whoever you may be, to get rid of your blinders. I challenge you to give everyone you come across a chance. Learn from them, acknowledge that they too have a story just as you do, and fully understand that they too bleed red, and they deserve a chance. I have already begun to accept the multitude of challenges I face after my week in Jacksonville, and I hope that at some point you too will be able to have an experience that brings you as much joy as my experience brought me throughout this past week. 

"How we walk with the broken speaks louder than how we sit with the great."

Dear Jacksonville,

Today was an inspiration. I can already tell y'all that today will be one of the most memorable days of life. To give you some background, I am spending my week in Jacksonville, Florida working with refugee populations on an Alternative Break experience. You would think that a bunch of college students wouldn't choose to spend their spring break in Florida on a substance free service trip, but man is the stereotypical college student idea wrong. We are a group of 12 college students who are making life long memories doing service for a community that seems to have the biggest hearts and most open arms. 

Today was our second day working with an organization called Lutheran Social Services, where today we traveled to the Center for Language and Culture. We had the most amazing privilege of meeting an individual named Hind. I could write for years about that hour and a half we spent with her, so bare with me as I try to gather my thoughts about this touching experience. Hind is an immigrant from Morroco who in just a short period of time opened up to this group of 14 strangers explaining her life and her intellectual input on being an individual in a new country who doesn't speak the language. Hind spoke from her heart which in today's society isn't common. It seems to be that we tend to have a bias towards others, and we don't truly love life for what it is or acknowledge the true meaning behind situations, therefore the true meaning is clouded but judgement. 

I sit here and I try to discover words to describe the words and emotions that Hind lent to us, however it's hard to grasp my thoughts around it all. Hind had us imagine a situation where we were all thrown in China with an emergency and we were unable to speak the language. This was the beginning of our discussion. We were put in the shoes of those who we are working with all week. Obviously we are unable to fully understand the concept unless we have truly been there ourselves but in all honesty this was a breaking point. This point is where the conversation sparked. We continued to discuss refugee and immigrant populations and Hind began to share her story. Hind simply put into perspective how we can be the world for one individual even though it seems that in this world one person can't do much. I left our conversation today a different person. That says a lot about a time period that was less than 2 hours. I have a different outlook on the simple things that I seem to take for granted each day. 

Lately I've been questioning my life and where I will be going after college but today I realized that I know. I realized that I want to be the smile that can change someone's world. I want to be the one who is is passionate about my work. I am challenging myself this week. I work everyday to find a new challenge that I can work with after the week and today I challenged myself quite a few things and I look at these challenges with an open mind, and with the knowledge that they aren't going to be easy to accomplish but I can get there. If I have strong perseverance like Hind than I too can get to where I want to be. 

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Dear Recognition,

We are raised in a society where recognition is always promised. Whether it be for getting straight A's in school, doing the "right thing at the right time," being an outstanding individual in some aspect of life, or so much more, we were raised to expect recognition when we do well. Recently I've realized how much of a disadvantage it is to be raised in a society where we learn to expect recognition. My university claims to build "citizen leaders," and I do believe that Longwood does a spectacular job at building these leaders, but recently I've noticed that some people (including myself from time to time) expect recognition 24/7. To me this isn't what a "citizen leader" is, we shouldn't expect recognition, we should be able to lead and serve our community without hoping to gain something out of it. We all have our signature lines at the end of our emails, we post statuses when we earn awards, we expect phone calls and texts when we achieve a large goal in life, but this shouldn't be what life is about.
Recently I have come to realize that life should be selfless. Our human nature is to be better than the next guy, and the recognition we receive is what feeds that want, but how do we overcome that? To truly enjoy life we don't need our family to tell us every single day that they are proud of every little step we take throughout the day, we don't need to get an entire day dedicated to us for simply getting up out of bed to go to class or work, we need to learn to be selfless, we need to learn to be proud of ourselves and accept that others aren't always going to see the good that we've done. Recognition is detrimental. In all honesty, I am realizing this because I think recently I've been expecting this recognition for everything that I do in my crazy, hectic, busy life, and I haven't received it. However, as I have realized this I have grown a lot, I've come to understand that life isn't always going to be full of happiness and butterflies. While I write this I realize how hypocritical I am, as I am a huge advocate of giving recognition, yet I believe that we shouldn't expect recognition. I always give individuals recognition when they deserve, but I find myself not receiving this recognition when I think that I deserve it.
I don't always get a pat on the back for getting an "A" on a test, a nice note for being a good friend, a friendly text for posting a new blog post, but I still seem to get decent grades, I'm still a good friend to those who mean the most to me, and I still post blogs on a regular basis. I challenge you my reader, to become an better person as I hope that everyone becomes a better person every day. But please don't only become better because you are expecting for people to come and pat you on the back for it. Be the best friend you can be without expecting your friends to be at your door praising you for your kindness. Be selfless. Be conscious of your decisions, and don't expect recognition, because you're not going to always get it. Part of life is being there for others, doing your best and succeeding, and life doesn't always come knocking with awards, pats on the back or gifts, but I promise you, you are thanked. You may not receive the recognition you want but I guarantee you that others are thanking you with out physically showing you. Dear recognition, I hope that one day our society doesn't expect to see you at our door everyday, I hope that you become a rarity. I hope for this because a selfless society will be a better one.

"It's not easy to find someone to see your best."

Dear Life,

It isn't uncommon for me to find myself at least three times a week looking back at old pictures and reminiscing on the experiences I've had. Just 10 minutes ago I was looking at pictures from 2010. These past few days I've been doing a lot of reminiscing, and it's got me to thinking, what has gotten me to where I am today? What are the events in my life that fully impacted who I am today? I think that recently I have realized that I don't yet know what my passion in life is. But I do however know that I want to help others. As I have thought recently about how I will be able to help others, I realized that I really need to step back and recognize what has helped me arrive to where I am in life. So I write this post "Dear Life," as I sit back and fully recognize why I am where I am in life and accept the life that I am living.
I'm sitting here racking my brain on the life events that led me to where I am right now and I'm drawing a blank. But by a blank I mean, I think of these events that don't seem like too many events, but I think  the amount of them holds the true fact that these are indeed the events that shaped my life. There aren't many events in the early years of my life, but I think that's for the better. I contemplated laying out my lifeline but I've realized as I try to write it out that no one but me and those individuals involved at those specific times will ever understand the impact that the events had on my life. This past weekend I started to tell some one my "life story" and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I realize that the life story that I told her, is not what I wanted to tell her. There is so much that has impacted my life and thinking about the things I said during that short period of time, those are not what I want to be known by, what I told her was probably about 10% of my life story and part of me wants to run back screaming to finish my story. I don't expect anyone but myself to fully understand where I am in life, and what led me here, but as I move forward in life I challenge myself to recognize these life changing events as they happen. I in turn, challenge you, whoever you may be reading this, to look back and realize what has gotten you to where you are today.
I leave you with one note on my life. The one note that seemed to be the most devastating and influential one of my life. I lost my father when I was three to cancer. My family changed that day. We lost the man who brought us together. We lost the man who would always be there for us. We lost the man who loved us unconditionally. We lost the man who vowed to be with his family through thick and thin. And 17 years later, I can say while we lost a man that day, we gained a guardian that day as well. Just about every event in my life was shaped around this day. I am in college now because of him, I fight for who I am because of him, and I sure as hell push through everyday of life because of him. Because I know that I may never know when life will be taken from me. Sometimes I worry that I too, like him, will have a life that will be cut short. I live everyday and every second of everyday with the intentions of doing good. I want to be able to look back on life and say that is me, I lived life for Kylie and the Kylie that I built through all my experiences is one that I am proud of. So Dear Life, I face you head on. I look back at everything you have given me thus far, and I look into the future to everything that is waiting for me and I am prepared. And mostly importantly, I recognize my purpose and how I got here. Dear Life, I accept you.

"Because someone we love is in heaven, there's a little bit of heaven in our home."

Dear Longwood and the people I've met here,

When I left for college in August of 2012 I never would have thought one school could bring me so much joy and so much anger at the same time. What a way to start a blog post right? I mean how can one place bring me so much joy and happiness yet still bring me a decent amount of anger from time to time? While it may seem like a negative aspect of being at Longwood, if it has brought me bad time, but in all honesty I am completely thankful for both the positive and negative I have experienced since being here. Longwood University is the definition of the perfect school for me. I have visited many other schools, and heard many stories about them, and the only thought that crosses my mind is wow, I would never picture myself anywhere else to obtain my degree. While yes I am here for an education, and I am thankful for the opportunity to come here for a degree in Criminal Justice, but in all honesty, I am thankful for Longwood in the mere aspect that it truly has brought me some of the closest friends I could have ever asked for.
To the one that suffered through living with me freshman year. While we may not text everyday and we may not see each other every waking minute like we did freshman year I am still forever thankful for our friendship. We have been through so much and what started out as two loser freshman, are now two SEAL loving, Florida traveling, Zeta sisters. Living with you was always an adventure to say the least and while we didn't last longer than a year together as roommates, I know that you'll always be there as a friend. I learned a lot about myself while living with you and that is something that I could never pay you back for.
To one individual who I have managed to be around since before even coming to Longwood. I have had you there for my journey through Longwood since day one. You are by far one of the individuals that I look up to most, and I strive to be as good of a leader as you one day. You are the one that challenged me to run for SEAL Chair last year, and while I didn't get this position, I learned a lot for just simply stepping outside of my comfort zone and running. You are one of the most hard working individuals that I know, and I honestly just want you to know how much you mean to me. You have been such an inspiration in my life and I thank you to no end for that.
To the individuals who some how suffered through living with me these past few years. Y'all have taught me so much about myself, and how to be a better person. I have learned that I truly can be myself around the people that I am close with, and I thank all of you for accepting me for who I am. Especially the one that is stuck sharing a side of the apartment with me this year. You have seen me through many ups and downs, and I wouldn't have made it through them all if it wasn't for you so thank you. Love you lots.
This next one is one that I never thought I would write. I met you freshman year during LSEM, and somehow you still talk to me now. I appreciate you, I have learned a lot from our communications these past two and a half years. You are a fantastic human, and even though I seemed to be a bitch to you a lot, and we don't talk as much as we used to, you really are one person that I am glad I met at Longwood. You probably will never read this and if you do you will have no idea that it is about you but thank you for all your kind words and your words of encouragement over the years because they really did help me get through everything. You really are a great human with one of the biggest hearts ever.
This isn't to just one individual, but instead a amazing group of individuals that seems to always put a smile on my face. While I haven't been naming names, this time I will. SEAL you have changed my life forever. You have brought me my best friend, you have brought me some of the brightest and happiest memories and you have inspired me to be a better person. Who knew that joining an organization would have brought so much joy and comfort into my life. SEAL, y'all are my rock you are the one reason that I get through every week here, because I get to see y'all and I realize what great things we are doing here at Longwood, individually and collectively as a whole organization.
This next one is one that I never would have thought would have such an impact on my life. We became really close at an extremely random time under weird circumstances. I always thought that you hated me. That I never would be friends with you, and man was I wrong. You have been one of the brightest friendships I have made at Longwood, and while I know I thank you often, I don't thank you enough. Thanks for always being there on my left, if you catch my drift. You are an incredibly inspiring human and never forget that. You have changed many peoples lives including my own, all in amazing ways so please don't ever forget how loved you are. Please understand how thankful I am for you because I don't think words can ever describe it. I love you lots.
Lastly, to an individual who I could never be more thankful for. This past year at Longwood has been an extremely hard one for me, and for you, but speaking for myself I know that I never would have gotten through it without you. You have brought me so much joy, and you have been there even after you have seen me at my worst. I will forever be grateful for everything you have done for me because in all honesty I never would have thought I'd have a friend like you, and I can never pay you back for what you have given me. We are two of the most awkward people I know which makes our friendship so much more perfect. You are my person and I thank you. While our friendship seemed to blossom out of nowhere (see what I did there cause you like flowers) I am so glad that it did. I have told you this a thousand times over but love you long time shit head.
This is just a very few of the people that have seemed to make an impact on my life during my 3 years at Longwood so far, and I could honestly write for days about everyone else, but I had to draw the line somewhere. For those of you who have actually read through to the end y'all deserve a special shout out as well. Thanks for truly taking the time to read my blog as I guarantee you that you too have impacted me while being at Longwood, so thank you too.
In true lancer spirit,
Kylie

"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."

defining comfort

I can recall many times where the words "I find comfort in...." come out of my mouth preceding another series of words that seem to define where I find myself at ease. Being a full time college student, with a part time job, and being someone who tends to easily become over-involved I seem to find these ways where "I find comfort." See this seems simple to say, but today I was thinking to myself as I told someone that quotes seem to bring me comfort, what is this comfort that I was speaking of? I seem to use this phrase with ease. It isn't uncommon for me to explain who I am to people using comfort phrases. Especially during the semester where I seem to be in over my head constantly and this comfort seems to be the only place for my escape. 
A simple definition of comfort is "a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint." While this is a very encompassing definition I seem to find comfort to mean more to me. When I find comfort in situations, I am fully at ease from all my situations in life. That may seem hard to find, but somehow I manage to find those times and places where I experience this "comfort." I believe that when an individual is able to find a place of comfort, they are able to express who they really are. In today's society it can be difficult to truly express yourself for who you are. Attending a smaller sized university, I am lucky enough to be a part of a community that for the most part is very welcoming of people, however, I know this is not the case everywhere. If finding this place of comfort is one of the only places that an individual can be themselves, then what if you can't find comfort? Of course I say this all based on my personal experiences, and I recognize that life is different for everyone, but it truly makes my heart ache to think some people don't have the opportunity to reach this comfort that I have been able to obtain in times of need. 
I seem to have it easy, I have friends that bring me comfort when I need it, I have places I can go that bring me ease, I have little tasks that calm me down, and I have a family that is my comfort system when I've hit a low. But recently I've recognized that some people don't have these luxuries. For some people it's hard to find these places where they can escape realities, when they can be at complete ease in life, because sometimes reality will never leave. I see reality as one of those little creatures that sits on your shoulder and just hovers as you try to get through life. This is because no matter what you will always have to go back to reality, and some times that reality is the hardest thing to face. Life recently for me has thrown a bunch of curve balls my way, and I don't know if I could have gotten through these curve balls if I didn't have my ways to comfort that I have. I'm curious as to where others are able to find comfort, to find those places or things that seem to just bring complete ease into life and into their realities. 

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

Getting down to the basics

While I can't speak for everyone, I know that personally life seems to be one very complex and complicated situation that puts you through so many good times, and a few bad times as well. Being in college, you'd assume that I know where I want to go with life after I graduate in May of 2016. That however is the complete opposite of where I am in my journey. I came to Longwood with what I thought was going to be the perfect life plan ahead of me. I knew from the start that I was going to be a Criminal Justice major, and for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was going to become some form of a law enforcement officer. However, life has thrown quite a few curve balls my way since August 2012 when I began my college journey.
Everyday I go to my classes to learn as much as I can about sociology and criminal justice and I truly enjoy the classes, and learning about the subjects, but I've come to realize this is not what I'm meant to do when graduation comes around in just over a year. Something sparked in my life this year, where all I can picture myself doing is helping others. I have had so many amazing moments at Longwood this year, and I have had those moments that make the good ones feel like they mean nothing. I am fully convinced that these good and bad memories are what have lead me to this urge that says I am meant to help others, I am meant to be an positive influence on the community, and while I may not know exactly how just yet, I will find my way there some how. 
I've blogged in the past, but I've decided to start fresh because I recognize that I am a different person now, I recognize that I have a different purpose in life. My goals for this simple blog is to impact others as I somehow find my way through this crazy journey that we call life. I attended a leadership conference in November for an organization that I have the pleasure of being a part of, and I sat down with an individual and had a conversation about what we were taking away from that weekend. The one thing that I will always remember from that conversation is when we decided that we needed to learn to "be comfortable with the uncomfortable." This is something that I challenge myself to everyday and I too challenge you all to learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. This isn't so that you seem prepared for everything that seems to come your way, but so that you too will have the opportunity to love the life you are living just as much as I love the life that I was given to live. 

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."